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You tell him about your cancer on a Sunday,
in the shower of all places, in between brunch plans
and speculations about whether or not the weather
will ever get any colder - hasn't it been the strangest November?
Just the strangest.

You casually mention that somewhere
deep in the secret space between your hips
your own cells are proliferating uncontrollably,
whispering treason and passing down forgeries,
teaching each other the steps of mitosis with alarming intent.

You don't miss a beat as you drop survival percentages
mixed in with tomorrow's rain forecast
and predictions about the game later that afternoon -
easy as breathing, even as counterfeit armies
shred through the soft tissue just below
his favorite place on your spine.

And as you stand there
calmly making conversation
and sharing the last of the soap,
he watches the water
run quiet rivers
through your hair.
moved from journal.

he leaves you on a quiet thursday
you love him like a fever gone cold

---

i can.not. begin to tell you all how much the kindness surrounding this piece has touched my heart. it was one of the hardest things i've written, about one of the loneliest moments of my life. i still ache thinking about it. 

there are bitter days and there are better days. on the better days, i write about not being ready to cut all of my hair off or settle down. those days sound like this

you all are dearly loved :heart:

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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-07-15
"The tone of this piece, every chance i didn't take II by SuddenlyAutumn, fantastically conveys resignation and nonchalance, contrasting beautifully with the raw poetry of the words themselves. It's a breathtaking piece that leaves the reader wondering and thinking." ( Suggested by SpiralingSpontaneity and Featured by IrrevocableFate )
:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Edited Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my word, this is heartbreaking and gorgeous and so real, and I love it. Congrats on the DD!
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014
thank you so much for the kind words :heart: and bahh thank you i am so appreciative! 
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:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart: :love:
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:iconstarlightcomet:
StarlightComet Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Can I just.

Tight Hug 
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
bah 5 seconds hug  :heart:
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:iconphantomtigers:
Phantomtigers Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
a highly deserved DD :nod:
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014
eee thank you so much :hug:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014   Writer
This is just beautiful. :heart:
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014
thank you so much :love:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014   Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Student General Artist
Amazing.... :hug:
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014
thank you so much :huggle:
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:iconartbyfieldsofsage:
artbyfieldsofsage Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Absolutely beautiful!  Congrats on the DD!  Well deserved!
Reply
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014
thank you so much :love:
Reply
:iconartbyfieldsofsage:
artbyfieldsofsage Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You are so very welcome:)
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:iconbulmabriefs050401:
BulmaBriefs050401 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014
(Absolutely beautiful and breath-taking. I love the words you chose to describe the nonchalant feel of this. Having a grandfather with lung cancer, this really moved me. I started tearing up at the end, how it seemed he was stunned but also nonchalant about it as well....when she could possibly lose her chance of holding the rope. Absolutely beautiful, continue writing, please, please, continue writing. You grace the world in so many ways with this piece and I'm sure you shall be with others.)
Reply
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you so very much for reading and for your kinds words. it is so easy to feel alone in life but writing makes it less lonely and people like you make everything feel like it will be ok.

i hope you and your grandfather are well :heart:
Reply
:iconbulmabriefs050401:
BulmaBriefs050401 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
(I very much agree. You really expressed everything so well. Continue writing!

Thank you very much. :heart:)
Reply
:icongoldeneyes2:
Goldeneyes2 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014
I'm sure having this conversation would be extremely surreal, and that's the feeling this poem gives for sure.  Good job.  :)
Reply
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
it definitely was. thank you so much for the kind words :heart:
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014   Writer
When my daughter had cancer -- we talked percentages. She beat the odds. I love this poem.
Reply
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
congratulations to you and your daughter :love: thank you very much
Reply
:iconsierra-hotel:
Sierra-Hotel Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I LOVE medical poetry, you did this so well
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you very much :heart: a few years of biology and a slew of doctors will do that to you
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:iconshadowisstillalive:
ShadowIsStillAlive Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No words to describe how I feel... so amazingly lonely sounding.
Reply
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you so much :hug:
Reply
:iconshadowisstillalive:
ShadowIsStillAlive Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconpikawoo221b:
pikawoo221B Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I am officially in love with the way you write. It is so lyrical, your words have this magical effect and it's so emotional and raw. You so deserved that DD and I hope you never stop writing.
Reply
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement :love: you are wonderful!
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you so much for the love :huggle:
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconflyingheartsplz::iconsweethugplz::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconchelseahantken:
ChelseaHantken Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014
My dad was really casual the way he told me he had cancer. It was so heartbreaking and strange at the same time.]
Anyway, I love this. Congrats on the DD. :hug:
Reply
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
it's a very surreal thing to tell people...i don't know why but casual somehow seems like the least dramatic/damaging? thank you for reading and commenting, i hope you and your dad are both well :love:
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:iconsakpalamey:
sakpalamey Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So sad.
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you for reading
Reply
:iconsakpalamey:
sakpalamey Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It was worth every syllable.
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Flagged as Spam
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconglassheart93:
glassheart93 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
as a person who is currently training in a cancer center ... being surrounded with cancer all of a sudden , i found this deeply moving. its an absolutely stunning piece.  
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you so much. and thank you for your work in the cancer center...i know it has to be incredibly difficult to surround yourself with, but there are so many people who are so grateful that you do.
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:iconglassheart93:
glassheart93 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you for your sweet words ... i hope that one day soon enough we wont need a cancer center.

and i wish you an ever lasting spring! 
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Flagged as Spam
:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you :love:
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:iconflamingodancer123:
flamingodancer123 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014
absolutely beautiful. heart wrenching  and heart felt.
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconfeatherdrops:
FeatherDrops Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist
Just captivating. The words you chose gave me a sense of quiet hopelessness and chaos beneath the casual scene. Great writing. <3
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
quiet hopelessness and chaos are exactly right. thank you so much for reading and commenting :heart:
Reply
:icongoldenblight:
GoldenBlight Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I felt as though the overall sentiment of this piece had settled into my lower gut.
It's greatly moving. A wonderful and enthralling poem.
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:iconsuddenlyautumn:
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
i'm touched :heart: thank you so much!
Reply
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February 28, 2014
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