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darlings i am sorry to be absent but my
grandfather has passed away
from this earth and from
me and i am finding
it hard to find
my words

        your hand in mine
            palm to palm
     like our skin had always
        spoken this language,
          always been fluent
          in the fingerprints
             of each other.
a pause:
so underneath a concrete sky
lucy puts her hand in mine
she says, "life's a game we're meant to lose
but stick by me and i will stick by you"


for s.p.
of course
i'm so sorry, i've been away. but it was good, and i am breathing easy again. as i hope you all are. i promise i'll get back to everyone and everything that's happening here, but i was walking by a flower stand in soho and i remembered something. about roses. and a boy. and i just wanted to tell you about him,

about the first and the last boy
who gave me roses; we were
sweet sixteen and sweet hearts and
our love was to be forever, even
as the petals wilted onto the
cover of my calculus book.

he would leave them in my locker
to be found before class but only
after he had snapped off
each and every thorn

and my unbroken heart would
flutter like a robin-wing and 
i would be so sure that love
would always be like that:
a blush-pink bloom in your locker
and a brown-eyed boy with
a shy smile and 

blood all over his 
fingers and

roses without

(everyone should be loved like that, at least once. simply, and just because. and i hope someone has loved you enough to give you roses without thorns, whatever that may be.)
i have some questions and some facts, in no particular order

question 1: am i the only person in the world who hasn't seen the movie frozen?
follow up to question 1: does this make me a terrible person? 
follow up to the follow up to question 1: does anyone want to come hang out and watch it with me? k cool thanksss.

fact 1: i have a birthmark on the back of my right leg that looks like a stegosaurus

fact 2: i am obsessed with the weather in weird ways.

question 2: how long do you think it takes to fall in love with somebody? 

fact 3: the last four meals i've eaten have been cheerios with extra honey. oops.

fact 4: i just spent more money than i have to buy crush even though, as you can see, the entire thing is on the internet, solely because i stumbled upon it in a bookstore and got so excited i couldn't physically let it leave my hands. 

fact 5: i'm a crazyperson, and i love you.

happy monday dearhearts :heart:
your hand in mine as you prayed
to a god who might save you.
safety on.
your suicide note and the words
to your father, brothers, oh christ,
your mother.
my tears on your shirt as i
sobbed for everything i had lost
and the god who did not hear me.
the river stones under my legs and
the lights on the bridge in the night.
bruises on my shoulders and i hope
they never fade.

your big truck and the scent of
jasmine and the moment i realized
i was happy.
hand out the window
full of mississippi wind.
hair wild and skin stung.
you are beautiful
and i was beautiful for you.

your legs between my knees
as we flew down memphis streets.
the roar of your motorcycle and my smile
that was wider than the open highway.
the wind that took my blue dress
as i watched you lift the gun
hand steady.
safety off.
ready, aim, trigger.
every chance i didn't take I
5/19/13: there are too many things crashing in around me like every chance i didn't take. i wanted to tell you that you are precious, you are loved, i wanted to reach in with both fists and tear out the darkness. i would slice out my own skin if it would show you that you are loved, and you belong here, here in the light. that it shines out of you, even in the darkness.


companion to part two, moved from journal. i promise i'll write you some love songs next, but right now i got it on my mind to tell y'all some stories about the things i'll always regret.


talks to kitchen appliances
United States
To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget."

-- Arundhati Roy, The Cost of Living
darlings i am sorry to be absent but my
grandfather has passed away
from this earth and from
me and i am finding
it hard to find
my words

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Add a Comment:
seaboundstars Featured By Owner Edited Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: Thank you.
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
no, thank you :love:
seaboundstars Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
xox <3
StormBringer23 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2014
I spent some minutes
hours in your gallery
and got lost
the only way out was to fave
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2014
you have been too kind to me and
i think you may have said
exactly what life is --
everything and nothing
all at once
StormBringer23 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2014
It's really not kindness. More like awe.

All at once, then nothing, then all at once again.

Like a gas station.
Blue-Dream48 Featured By Owner Edited Aug 8, 2014  Student General Artist
I absolutely love your writing. It's so full of... meaning. Hah. There is nothing I love more than a dark poem, or a mysterious short story, etc.

Keep up the great work, I look forward to seeing more of your stuff in the future!
SuddenlyAutumn Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014
ahh you are so kind! thank you thank you thank you :love: you are wonderful!!!
Blue-Dream48 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  Student General Artist
Hahahh, thanks, it's great to read such wonderful writing. :3
HelloDearThomas Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Professional Photographer
Thank You so Much for your support, I really appreciate it! :)
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